American Poltergeist (2015)

Director: Mike Rutkowski
Writers: Nicole Holland, Mike Rutkowski
Stars: Donna Spangler, Simona Fusco, Aaron Lee

Horrific, torturous, brutal, terrifying and truly shocking. And that’s just my review of this pointless piece of crap that masquerades itself as one, entertainment, and two, a horror film. When a film is written, directed and produced by the same person, generally they are ‘films’ (and being polite calling them that) to steer clear of. Working as miscellaneous crew, Rutkowski has quite a few good credits to his name. As for anything else, someone needs to tell him what his skills are. They sure as hell are not in writing or directing.

Dude, seriously, just be happy you work in the industry and give up trying to be any more than what you are. Continuing on this theme, in the trivia section of IMDB it states that this is Nicole Howard’s first writing credit. Can someone please advise who she is sleeping with in order to do this rubbish so I can sleep with them too. I’ve always dreamed of seeing my pretty face and name on the silver screen and perhaps this could be my route in. The script and dialogue are almost non-existent. The so-called acting is even worse if you can believe that and this could even perhaps be an adult film, without any of the sex or innuendo.

In fact, upon reflection, I actually think that would be doing adult films an injustice. As for Donna Spangler who looks like a washed up porn star here (complete with dazed look), she is perhaps the worst offender. Seriously folks, who keeps employing this woman? Stick to the two-a-penny beauty magazines love and save us from your performances. None of the others are any better, either running around screaming (badly) or standing around looking worried and generally all being a tad woeful.

But then hey, America, the land of opportunity, where any group of friends can throw a film together, as long as half a million other fools pay to watch it in order to make it somewhat profitable. In no other country would this be possible except in the States where there are so many people who will watch this drivel repeatedly, they churn rubbish like this out on a weekly basis. These people should be blacklisted by streaming media sites in order to give them the message that they are not wanted and to try getting a real job.

Very loosely based around the events of the infamous Lizzie Borden (and I do mean very loosely) American Poltergeist is the perfect example of how not to make a film with a bunch of individuals with less talent than a dead shrubbery. I would even go as far to say that this is just an insult to peoples intelligence. The fact that there’s not even any poltergeist in the film (or plot, acting or anything else for that matter) just adds to the general annoyance of little spoilt brats who think they are something special who try and manipulate ratings. Even the cover is misleading as hell.

Anyway, the story followers a bunch of idiot teenagers who stay at a vacation home run by Dianna (Spangler). Everyone wants to chill and unwind including brother and sister Michael (Field) and Taryn (Elizabeth). Pretty soon Taryn starts to feel that something is wrong and that the house may be trying to communicate with her. After a couple of dull episodes that I think were trying to instill some atmosphere, Taryn decides that it would be a good idea to get out of dodge. Naturally no one cares or believes what she is telling them and before much longer (very much longer unfortunately for the viewer) sinister events start to unfold.

Now, the only connection this has to the Lizzie Borden story is that the house is supposed to be where she lived. It looks nothing like the house. It doesn’t even look like the area. In fact the house looks like it belongs to one of these idiots parents, and they borrowed it for the weekend while their parents were away. Also looks like it’s set in Florida instead of Massachusetts. It is a nice house though, to be fair.

The audio is terrible and sounds like they had one mic which they passed around beneath sight of the camera. In fact the only thing I can give them credit for is the lighting. It was surprisingly quite good. Anyway, after an hour waiting for someone to be dispatched in a typically Borden kind of style (and bear in mind the film is only eighty minutes long anyway), you almost wish the real Borden would kill them all and put us out of our own misery. At least that might have been entertaining to watch.

I very rarely give films a score of one, at least trying to give credit where it is due for effort, but in all honesty I would struggle to justify even a one for this garbage. Hell, this even makes Krampus: The Devil Returns (review to come very shortly) look like a good film. Stay well clear and don’t waste your time.

Source: Netflix
The Sage’s Rating: 1/10

IMDb

Posted in Horror and tagged , , , .

One Comment

  1. Wow, nothing left for me to rant about. You summed it up perfectly. Looks like failed actors and actresses of the porn industry attempting to create, direct and produce a horror film. If a zero was part of the rating scale that would be my choice. Thank you for the excellent and factual review, I concur.

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