Rumpelstiltskin (1995)

Director: Mark Jones
Stars: Max Grodénchik, John Ducey, Kim Johnston Ulrich

From the famed writer and director of Leprechaun, you know what you’re going to get with a film like this. A fantastic and deliciously bad film! From the horrendous opening scenes to the equally cringe-worthy credits you know you’re about to watch something so bad, it truly is special.

It all starts off in the late fourteen hundreds with our evil Rumple (Grodénchik…yes, from Deep Space Nine) as he is being chased by the locals after stealing a baby. If you can really call it ‘stealing’, he was promised the child after all I guess. Anyway, semantics, after much hocus-pokery the resident witch turns him into a miniature stone carving and tosses him into the seas where he shall forever repent…or until some fool buys him from a modern day curiosities shop.

Shelley Stewart (Johnston Ulrich) is dragged out of the house by her best friend Hildy (Played by cooky as ever Beasley) after a hard few months of losing her cop husband and giving birth to her son. Of course, she ends up buying little ole Rumple despite the warnings from the shop owner and crazy madness ensues after unwittingly making a wish and her tears dropping onto the carving which brings our pint-sized evil antagonist back to life.

Now, let’s get one thing straight right away. This is a terrible film. Much like with Leprechaun, the acting is hammed up and bad. Johnston Ulrich does a passable job, but hey, we don’t watch these gems for the quality of the acting now do we? Or the cinematography. Or the effects. Anyway, Rumple is back and determined to have the soul of baby John, despite Shelley not even knowing the rules of wish-making. Much deaths and destruction later Shelley meets up with our hero Tommy Blaze (a very cheese and ham Bergman). The one liners (and deaths) come pretty thick and fast thereafter.

Now you either dig these dodgy horror/fantasy films or you don’t. It looks more like it was made in eighty-five instead of ninety-five. If lines like ‘fucketh me’ as Rumple careers down the side of a canyon in a big rig (stolen of course) are your thing then this is sure to give you plenty of giggles. Very bad, ridiculous and just plain nonsensical fun. Leave your brain at the door and enjoy.

The Sage’s Rating:

Posted in Comedy, Fantasy, Horror and tagged , , , .

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